i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize