I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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