got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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