DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
