i think my mom watched the whole time
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
