Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
