I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
