I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
