would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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