I puked a lego.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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