she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
