I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize