please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize