I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
