it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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