we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
