I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
