why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
