i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
