90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think my moral compass just broke
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
