hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize