I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
