Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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