So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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