Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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