I bet he comes in French.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
