its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
