She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
