sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
