It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
