Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
