Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
