I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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