phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize