Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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