I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
