do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
