I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
