btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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