So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
