i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
