My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
bring money and cleavage
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
