I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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