Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
