I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
