Have you finally orgasmed yet?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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