Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
