i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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