Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
