I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
