dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize