I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
