your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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