1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
