he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
