He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
