my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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