apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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