I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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