I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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