if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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