i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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