This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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