The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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