I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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