I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
