someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
