Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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