Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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