My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
