I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
